Saturday, December 27, 2008
Sermon 7: Surrendering
Sometimes I get this annoying feeling that I always have to be doing something. If I am not I feel anxious and unproductive. I feel like the world is passing me by. I am on an island watching helplessly as it speeds gleely past me. I feel heavy and am in search for the next thing to do. What project can I start?(when I haven't even finished the last one I started when I was feeling this way). What person can I call on the phone? What book should I read?
These thoughts go on and on. My house feels like it is a mess and then I am like ok I cant do any of those other things until my house is clean. Then I am like wait I should just pray, then I will feel at peace, but wait I cant do that until my house is clean. Then after I clean my house of course I have to take a shower. I should dance or do yoga or maybe do an extensive work out, that would help me feel calm. So hm... should I clean first then work out then shower? Oh no before I do all of that I need to make that important phone call, actually I have like 5 people I need to call. Oh yeah but I have to pick up the children first. I will just meditate tonight before I go to bed. Now I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and angry because I feel I can't do everything. Next I feel guilty because I am feeling overwhelmed and angry at my own responsibilities. How dare I feel this way? How dare I be angry? Why am I so frustrated in the first place? Why can't I take on all the burdens of the world and still have all the energy and excitement and laughter that I feel when I am in ecstatic trance? I just need to do something then I will feel much better! I will just ignore all of those feelings drown them out by being busy and they will surely go away... They don't, instead I am irritated and snappy.
Just be quiet! Just be still! I hear my spirit shout. I try to ignore this as well. I will paint and I will feel better! I shout back. Then I am in tears the next minute and I am sitting on the floor still and quiet. My feelings are rising and I am led to breathe through them. Look at them, feel them. Surrender to my feeling of lack or anger or frustration. Embrace it with open arms, breathe and feel as it disappears. As I sit still as possible only my head bobbing from total relaxation and tears falling in my lap, I realize again that being still does not mean doing nothing, but as I am still a multitude of things are happening. I am healing, I am remembering, I am relaxing so I can do things with a clear mind, I am feeling a total bliss surround me and take me into the gift of surrender.
As I am quiet I can hear clear insight. I hear that I have all that I need and could ever desire right at my fingertips. Life does not have to be such a panicked rat race. I do not have to be the one with the most innovative idea all of the time. I don't have to be the one that writes the most profound words all of the time. All I have to do is live from the heart. All I have to do is remember love all of the time.
Of course when the roller coaster has shaken me up again and it finds its way to the point where I haven't remembered my insight; I am like ok I need to pay the bills. Is living from my heart going to do that. Is remembering love going to do that. I must do something! But the answer is yes. When I am doing those things I am always doing something and things always work out. This has been proven time and time again for me. Every time I stress and worry and get anxious, after everything is over I realize I didn't even have to do all of that. Everything worked out. All of that stress was unnecessary. I could have saved my body a potential illness and just be calm and realize everything is fine. I could have just surrendered to the moment. I could have payed attention to my feelings. I could have taken the time to relax even more to be even more clear on any actions that I needed to take. I could have had the faith that all is well, been happy anyhow. I could have realized I have nothing to fear.
Living here, in this society, it is so easy to become a basket case. It is so easy to get caught up in chasing money, being in competition, living in fear of not having, living in fear of someone or something taking what you have. Our bodies suffer. Our yoni's become stressed and don't even feel like getting wet. We don't even feel like being sweet. We have no energy to please ourselves or anyone else. Live a sensual life, take advantage of the moment, what is that! Give foreplay to my woman huh? I don't even have enough energy for those strokes.
We have no other choice but to realize and start to live in love, live from the heart, surrender to the moment, and know oneness. We have to taste, touch, feel, see hear, wholly and intently. We have to surrender to sensuality. Or Else!
Let us pray: Let us listen to the divine urge to live in love and oneness. Give us the strength to give up our fears to receive what you have promised us when we surrender to the natural cycles that exist. Give us the strength to surrender with all of our might so that we may see, hear, feel and have divine light drip from our crown into our mouths and off of our tongue spreading and sowing sensual seeds into the heart of the world. Give thanks!