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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Snippet from a sexual makeover

Questions/concerns from "SexuallY Liberated." Makeover done on gmail chat. My responses not shown.

I feel I need to cultivate a "liberated sexual experience" for myself

I’ve had 2 sex partners

I want to have sex, good sex, but there's blockage when it comes to actually having sex

Like, the idea of being "sexually responsible" turns off my interest. Like if I have to use a condom I must not be that into them

It’s going to take time for me to find my sex space that's all mine

I want to do more sensual stuff, ever since your blog, I really have been touching my skin more, smelling flowers, etc

I feel like there's so much I don't know
like I wanted to know more, do more with my partner experiment, read all the sex books, but I was not confident in initiating it b/c I felt he wasn't interested anymore

I was feeling like I should have done more, been more interesting, lalala

Don’t know when/how I got like this
I think for so long, I thought something was wrong with me
I think it's only recently I stopped thinking I was like sexually retarded for not having more sex partners

I really have never thought of that, and so I called this guy I thought could be a "fuck buddy"...lol, funny just saying that
and when I heard his voice on the phone, it was like NO! lol,
that was just a thought!

Definitely think my religious upbringing and trauma of being so heavily monitored by the whole church affected me a lot

I always wonder what would have happened if my first love was my first
and we just stumbled along together, not knowing

Definitely want to explore more,
Wanted to do more meditations, learn more about tantra, and breathwork and chakra openings with different positions

Wanted to do more foreplay, have candles to see
Do lots of stuff that wasn't just penetration, but like I said, I didn't initiate all these things

I thought about it, mentioned it, but often we'd be squeezing sex into the 25th hour of the day
so, penetration beat our all the foreplay

yeah, I know, you're right, and that's what I wanted, but I thought I was being "supportive" by not pressing the issue
like I was "Respecting" his schedule, his work...and on and on

he seemed surprised when I told him I felt we had sex when he wanted to

that's what was so hard to talk about

all the things you saying are doable
sure, but he gotta want to do it

and I wanted him to want it, so I accepted anything
yeah, and not be afraid
me: and then you wont except less
right!

yeah, I resented that he always got his

all this stuff I have to say, to claim

yeah, I am sacred and I always want to be honored as such

me: you will get what you want and need

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