Monday, December 29, 2008
Last night I found myself sitting in the midst of a huge celebration. It was much larger than what I had expected. I always enjoy being in the midst of so much because it gives me such a great opportunity to go into my sensual self and practice doing this without being distracted by the many things going on, but take it all as a sensual experience. There were so many different smells from all kinds of foods, from all kinds of people that got clean to come to the celebration. I notice the smiles and the pureness dancing around in the eyes of the young children whose canvas has not yet been painted on with the dingy brush of this world. There smiles warm my heart as much as the fireplace that blazes in the room warms my body. I watch the adults read each other. I notice every caress against my skin as another person passes me.
The sounds of drums fill the room and I cannot help but dance. The next thing I know I am in the center of the room with four other voluptuous hips. We move with the music with our eyes closed. When I open my eyes I am the only set of hips still swaying on the floor. I'm sweating; there has been an outbreak of poetry inspired by the release of dancing. There are screams and chants being released into the atmosphere.
The drummers take a break and I sit. When they come back so do I, then I decide to sit and watch. I notice how people come onto the dance floor slowly a bit reluctant, maybe wondering who is looking or who is judging. They move slowly at first, self consciously. Then there feet starts to hit the floor more passionately with the drop of a different beat. Now there hips get more into it, uh oh now the shoulders and the arms. Inhibitions began to fly with the arms and the eyes close and the head swings. They are fully taken now and nothing can stop the movement. There are no thoughts only what is happening right now. They do not care how they look or what comes out. Everything is ecstatic. The cells in the body celebrate. The heart contorts in pleasure.
What’s the sexy connection? The ability to just "be" is one of if not the most important things to do in your sexual experiences. Our mind keeps us from enjoying. You are thinking, and thinking. Hm...I wonder if my faces are sexy, I wonder if I try to hit it this way would she object, I wonder if I give it to him this way would I be the best he ever...So many thoughts that come and go.
We have to be like the souls on the dance floor but minus all of the self-consciousness. Move slowly at first warming up, then eventually letting those inhibitions fly like the arms or legs or booties or what ever will be flying. Allow yourself to be there in that moment, sexy, confident, and available. Don't think about how stupid you will think you sound if you moan that way. If you feel it let it out. Being is contagious. If your partner feels and sees you are into every moment, they also become more excited. Orgasm is like the dancer finally surrendering into the music; Free, blissful ecstatic, you don't feel the need to control.
There is power in that moment. There is power in you feeling every inch of his stroke, how it tantalizes every single tissue every crevice of your walls as he glides in and out. As you feel it, you can see it and that will make it even more enjoyable for you. There is power in you feeling her walls hug you tightly and cover you in her sweet juices that massage you as you glide in and out. There is power in the synchronization of your breath, in feeling that fire between you, and that comforting coolness. (yin/yang) There is power in the coming together of these two, circulating this energy, sharing it with your love. However, we cannot begin to do this unless we train ourselves to just be, right here, right now.
Let us pray: We are thankful for the beauty in this very moment. We are thankful for the lesson in each moment. Let us learn to let go and truly know the gift of being present, the gift of being who we divinely are, no masks no fronts.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Sometimes I get this annoying feeling that I always have to be doing something. If I am not I feel anxious and unproductive. I feel like the world is passing me by. I am on an island watching helplessly as it speeds gleely past me. I feel heavy and am in search for the next thing to do. What project can I start?(when I haven't even finished the last one I started when I was feeling this way). What person can I call on the phone? What book should I read?
These thoughts go on and on. My house feels like it is a mess and then I am like ok I cant do any of those other things until my house is clean. Then I am like wait I should just pray, then I will feel at peace, but wait I cant do that until my house is clean. Then after I clean my house of course I have to take a shower. I should dance or do yoga or maybe do an extensive work out, that would help me feel calm. So hm... should I clean first then work out then shower? Oh no before I do all of that I need to make that important phone call, actually I have like 5 people I need to call. Oh yeah but I have to pick up the children first. I will just meditate tonight before I go to bed. Now I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and angry because I feel I can't do everything. Next I feel guilty because I am feeling overwhelmed and angry at my own responsibilities. How dare I feel this way? How dare I be angry? Why am I so frustrated in the first place? Why can't I take on all the burdens of the world and still have all the energy and excitement and laughter that I feel when I am in ecstatic trance? I just need to do something then I will feel much better! I will just ignore all of those feelings drown them out by being busy and they will surely go away... They don't, instead I am irritated and snappy.
Just be quiet! Just be still! I hear my spirit shout. I try to ignore this as well. I will paint and I will feel better! I shout back. Then I am in tears the next minute and I am sitting on the floor still and quiet. My feelings are rising and I am led to breathe through them. Look at them, feel them. Surrender to my feeling of lack or anger or frustration. Embrace it with open arms, breathe and feel as it disappears. As I sit still as possible only my head bobbing from total relaxation and tears falling in my lap, I realize again that being still does not mean doing nothing, but as I am still a multitude of things are happening. I am healing, I am remembering, I am relaxing so I can do things with a clear mind, I am feeling a total bliss surround me and take me into the gift of surrender.
As I am quiet I can hear clear insight. I hear that I have all that I need and could ever desire right at my fingertips. Life does not have to be such a panicked rat race. I do not have to be the one with the most innovative idea all of the time. I don't have to be the one that writes the most profound words all of the time. All I have to do is live from the heart. All I have to do is remember love all of the time.
Of course when the roller coaster has shaken me up again and it finds its way to the point where I haven't remembered my insight; I am like ok I need to pay the bills. Is living from my heart going to do that. Is remembering love going to do that. I must do something! But the answer is yes. When I am doing those things I am always doing something and things always work out. This has been proven time and time again for me. Every time I stress and worry and get anxious, after everything is over I realize I didn't even have to do all of that. Everything worked out. All of that stress was unnecessary. I could have saved my body a potential illness and just be calm and realize everything is fine. I could have just surrendered to the moment. I could have payed attention to my feelings. I could have taken the time to relax even more to be even more clear on any actions that I needed to take. I could have had the faith that all is well, been happy anyhow. I could have realized I have nothing to fear.
Living here, in this society, it is so easy to become a basket case. It is so easy to get caught up in chasing money, being in competition, living in fear of not having, living in fear of someone or something taking what you have. Our bodies suffer. Our yoni's become stressed and don't even feel like getting wet. We don't even feel like being sweet. We have no energy to please ourselves or anyone else. Live a sensual life, take advantage of the moment, what is that! Give foreplay to my woman huh? I don't even have enough energy for those strokes.
We have no other choice but to realize and start to live in love, live from the heart, surrender to the moment, and know oneness. We have to taste, touch, feel, see hear, wholly and intently. We have to surrender to sensuality. Or Else!
Let us pray: Let us listen to the divine urge to live in love and oneness. Give us the strength to give up our fears to receive what you have promised us when we surrender to the natural cycles that exist. Give us the strength to surrender with all of our might so that we may see, hear, feel and have divine light drip from our crown into our mouths and off of our tongue spreading and sowing sensual seeds into the heart of the world. Give thanks!