Sunday, February 28, 2010
I am extremely grateful for the lessons that life bring me. I am learning more and more not to fight, not to push but just to be an observer of any circumstances that occur. I like to use my life as one big experiment, finding new ways to grow everyday. Digging deeper into myself allows me to work towards the perfect me, for me. I find something and I review and refine then on to the next big experiment.
These experiments are not always easy. Some are very painful and challenging and I am attempted to abort the mission. I have a few times, only to have life place it right back on my dissection table.
One thing I have noticed about myself that in my past breakups I felt that it always helped me to think about all the negative things about the person. I thought, if I came up with all the reasons I should hate him, this will allow me to get over him quickly. "What were all of his faults, what did he do to me"?
I now know that this only quickly moved me into bitterness. Bitterness did not keep me open to receive the great things that would surely come to me. It made me defensive and cold. This is not a good look for an orgasmic woman. She has to be warm and flowing to experience her ecstasy. I am not in the business of missing out on any ecstasy.
I began to wonder, what if I thought the opposite of every negative thought I had about my ex, what affect it would have on me. Even if I perceived he did me dirty. I knew I did not want to continue feeling down and angry. It felt so ugly.It was about me and my healing. What if I thought about all of his good qualities, because he did have them or else I would not have gave him the time of day. I knew in doing this however, I had to keep in mind why we weren't together so I wont run back to the situation that was not in my best interest or even his for that matter.
I did this and I found myself smiling more. I found myself not looking for in other men all the wrong things that was wrong with my ex. I found myself not hating everyone because of this situation. I was open and happy. I was fun to be around. Not a drag and draining everyone Else's energy. Yes,still it hurt at times but recovery was a lot sweeter. I knew my happiness depended on changing the way I behaved with this.
Now I am not saying I did not experience anger. There were times I screamed and cried and cursed. I wanted him to hurt. I felt great despair. There was a bout where I could not talk to anyone. These things have their place. I acknowledged them, experienced them and let them go. I did not become a slave to them.
By making the conscious efforts I came to other realizations. I realized love does not die, mine never did anyway. Every man that I once loved, I still love. Love is eternal. How could such a powerful thing be dispensable? Once anger and loathing moves away,whatever someone has done to us we see love. Forgiveness is a self-centered act that opens us up to giving and receiving love again. We look at an event learn, then move forward for us. Why continue to stay there? There is so much more to see and feel. Why not choose bliss?
I have made a vow to life to always learn from her and not take her lessons for granted. We have chances upon chances to live the life we desire, to grow,to move past pain. We have so many tools to help us along. I make a vow to use them! How about you?
Let us pray: Help us to know our power in our own healing. Let us know that our happiness is our responsibility. Let us have love in abundance to always share with the ones that find it hard to express it. Let us forgive them if they do not know how. Give Thanks!