Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Best You Ever Had...Now I Own You!

There was a time in all of my relationships where I felt as if I had to be the perfect woman so my partner would never want any other. I wanted to look like the woman of his fantasies. I wanted to talk like her, dress like her, and walk like her. I wanted his every thought to be occupied by me and me only. In every relationship I would get to work creating an image of what I thought he desired the. I would wear my hair the way that seemed to attract him the most. I even went on starvation diets if I thought he liked thinner women and then eat more if the next seemed to like them thicker. If he liked aggressive and meaner women I would be that even though I am usually soft spoken and laid back. I mean I would go through a whole charade.

This did not stop with just looks and demeanor. It included my sexual activities as well. I always felt I had “to put it down.” I had to be the best he ever had and have the best pussy so he would not even think of being with another. He was going to know by the time we were done that he would never find another like me and if he just happened to go to someone else she couldn’t be as good as me and he eventually try to run back.

On the surface this seems alright, I mean who wouldn’t want to please their partner. However it is deeper than this and has adverse consequences.

Looking at my behaviors outside of the bedroom showed I had feelings of inadequacy. I didn’t think that being who I am was enough. No matter how much they told me I was beautiful or perfect, sexy and smart, I was always afraid they would find someone more beautiful, perfect, sexy or smart. I always had in the back of my mind that the relationship would not last, that they will eventually cheat and I would be left alone, neglected and abandoned. These were root fears from childhood that I was now exhibiting in my adult relationships. “If only I could be more, all that they want they will love me and never leave me.” This was my bruised inner-child voice that was never acknowledged and dealt with so continued to yell in my subconscious ear and dictate my behaviors.

Those relationships did not last, of course because I went into them with doomed thoughts that manifested. Not to mention the thoughts and behaviors of my partner because most of us have not been taught or have seen positive examples of successful relationships. I actually told them at times why they don’t just find someone else. So every time one of those relationships ended it fueled my self- depreciating thoughts. And sometime added more depending on how the relationship ended. This was a never ending cycle of pain.

Another thing is I felt that if I did all these things and made them want me more I would have control over them. This was also all about control. I could control their thoughts, were they went and all their behaviors. If I kept a leash on them I wouldn’t have to worry because all of the attention would be on me. I could see everything he was doing to pacify my insecurities and doubts.

It was no different with sex. Besides, what better way to control then with one of the most powerful energies that exists? All I had to do was make sure he was “whipped” and I had him. This never lasted because it was all surface and stemmed from hurting.

It got to a point where I could not take this cycle any longer. It had gotten so dark and heavy that I was being smothered, it was literally killing me. I knew I had to do something so I dived into my tool box. I began extracting the root causes. I began pulling out the thoughts, clearing my body and energy of the blocks they caused. I began exercises that built my confidence. I started my journey into being truly orgasmic in every aspect of my life. Through my healing I also realized that the dominant sexual behaviors I was acting out were actually keeping me from my bliss.

When you are so busy thinking and performing tricks in sex it actually takes you further away from ecstasy. You are not relaxed but always thinking “how am I doing, how do I look, am I whipping him yet?” Thinking, being in your head is an adversary to orgasm. I always tell my female clients feel your pleasure and they will surely feel pleasure. Receive it, and they will get it just because. Special tricks are nice but not if it is keeping you in your head. Letting go is even nicer. There is nothing sexier than a woman who truly knows her body, is relaxed and can enjoy intensely the experienced shared. There is nothing sexier than a woman who can receive. Faking it is out of style and was one of the worst trends ever invented. We don’t have to do that anymore. We just have to reach into the tool box like I had to do. This is what I always provide for my clients, tools and support. My journey and experience have provided me the great pleasure to be a vessel for healing for others and I am grateful for this gift and look at it as my responsibility.

We have all that we need to have all that we long for. The problem is we have not been taught this. We live in a culture where making you feel awful about yourself brings others money and fame. We live in a culture where everyone is preoccupied with looking and being the “ideal.” What is sad is the “ideal” in this society is fake and unattainable. We live in a culture that follows ridiculous and damaging trends because someone famous did it. So a lot of people kill themselves emotionally, spiritually, sexually, physically and mentally to reach something that is an illusion created by the enemies of your bliss. We live in a culture where blinding you of the power of sex and orgasm to the point of neurosis because the lack of keeps others in power and in control of you. You become mindless unhappy non-orgasmic robotic consumers. Voila!

Now this is something you want to take control of, your happiness, your mind, your life. Your concept of beauty is just as valid. Who you are is just as important. I am happy I learned this.

What is your cycle? What are the behaviors you continue to act out in your relationships? What are your self-depreciating thoughts?

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Let us pray: Let us know that all we need resides in us. Let us know that because we are here we bring our own kind of special to this world and that makes us beautiful and divine in every way. Let us use this wonderful and powerful gift of sex to become closer to all that is. Let us use it to increase love, healing and peace. Give thanks!